Saturday, September 17, 2011

On Maturity

I have become part of this so-called "the noblest profession". And being part of it, I had to grow up in all aspects. This realization dawned on me the moment I first wrote on my very first lesson plan. I am honest enough to admit that there are still personal glitches that I have to work on... I'm not immaculate and I'm not aiming to be.

My first year of teaching was a struggle. From being a laid back/carefree college student to being a teacher, the transition between those two roles was not smooth. I encountered problems along the way. I had conflicts with colleagues. I didn't know how to manage my students. I had problems in terms of time management. I also lacked knowledge and skills necessary for my job. In short, I was not ready!

Three years since then,I can now say that I have grown up (somehow).

Maturity is elusive. Just when you thought you're learning, you suddenly realize there are some old habits... bad habits... that are not easy to let go of. This is a little depressing. Eager as you may be to get rid of things that get in the way to maturity, you can't just rush things and expect good results the soonest. Things don't happen at the snap of you fingers. Indeed maturity is possible to reach. It's just a few steps away. but you have to be realistic to just let things happen naturally. Life is a race but sometimes it's not, and in the case of maturity, it's not a race. if you run to reach the end, you may end up drained of energy. If you leap and try to land on it, you may injure your ankles. It's a walk of life without short cuts and detours.

Maturity is a paradox. It's MANDATORY and at the same time a CHOICE. It's mandatory because LIVING is equated with GROWING UP. There is no way you can deal with the world without making progress. Likewise, It's a choice because it would never happen without the consent of the individual. The onset of maturity is the realization that he is immature. Ridiculous as it may sound but it makes sense to say that being mature is realizing that you're immature (I hope it really does make sense...LOL).Without that realization, one may be complacent of the thought that he's mature... when in actuality, he isn't. In effect, he wouldn't find ways to improve. Realizing that you are immature is not something to be depressed about, but instead, something that will motivate you to grow up. Its the first step, so to speak.

Three years from now, I am sure I will again look back to where I am now. Three years from now, I will be saying, "I have somehow grown up."

Friday, September 2, 2011

Special Forces by Marquesate

I won't be doing a review because I don't know how to properly critique a book. This post is just to vent what I am feeling right now about this mind-blowing book I have read a night ago. I don't even want to think as I type as long as I am able to express everything I feel about this book that has tortured my mind all day! Mind-blowing, addictive, brutally honest, hauntingly captivating, imperfectly perfect, morbid, dark, and tenderly painful to read. That's how I describe this book. How on earth can I enjoy reading another book after this?

First of all, I enjoy reading books with happy endings with all those sweetness and tenderness a romance novel can offer. And usually, romance novels have the same underlying plot (which I actually like). Boy meets boy/girl, sweet moments, complications, resolutions, then a happy ending. As this is expected, my preference in romance novels over the others vary to a certain degree in terms of writing style and sophistication. I guess the reason why I enjoy reading romance novels is because it allows me to escape from the bitterness of reality. It is by reading romance novels that you experience a utopic kind of "romance" or "love" which you may not experience in the real world. It freaks me out when a romance novel tries to inject a certain amount of realism just to make it believable and not too far-fetched from reality. I treat romance novels as fairy tales.

However, it's not the same case to me if a novel aims to be brutally honest and to present a certain degree of reality without having the aim to "titillate" the senses of the readers with sweetness and tenderness that you often get from a typical romance novel. This book that I have just read is anything but sweet and tender. It has some great bed scenes (a lot, in fact), and haunting dialogues of revelations of powerful emotions (sorrow, ecstasy, happiness, love, violence, lust). It has a happy ending, alright, but the obstacles the main characters undergo involve torture, rape, bombings, murder, and some more crimes you wouldn't even want to imagine. The ending would not satisfy your fantasy as you wonder what other internal and external struggles the characters will encounter after their wending (ooopps. that's a spoiler right there).

It is a story of two soldiers from different countries who met as enemies during the war in Afghanistan. Their first encounter went beyond physical torture. There was rape, infliction of physical pain, but more than that, there was power and submission. To both of the characters, to dominate the other is as victorious as winning the war or conquering the Afghan mountains. And there is the never-ending sex. Who would have thought that the contrast between hate and love, pain and lust, violence and tenderness would be so appealingly captivating to the point of addiction. Yes, I got addicted from the moment I read the first chapter of the first book. There are three books (It's a trilogy- Soldiers, Mercenaries, Veterans).

There are a few things in the book that challenged my moral tolerance. In a typical romance novel, I get emotionally triggered when problems like "cheating" (or sleeping with another individual to be more precise) occurs. This I can still stand since such acts are really considered not good in any context of a romance novel. And so, such problems are solved as soon as there is reconciliation between the two characters. However, this particular book is way too much for my wholesome mind =). Some scenes repulsed me but I could not let go of this book no matter how disgusted I was as I read from scene to scene. One example is polygamy. And not just a simple kind of polygamy since these two main characters (who happen to be deeply and hauntingly in love with each other and who confess that they cannot live without the other) are engaged in orgies and treat sex as an obligatory activity. What is even more repulsing for me is the lack of remorse, guilt, and jealousy between these two lovers. I don't have that much experience in the love department and even in the bed department but I have a firm hold of what I think is morally right. I do understand that the main characters are not your ordinary good people so they are capable of doing anything with their "animal" instincts sharpened by the war and all those violence and pain (physical, mental, and emotional) they encountered. But I still believe that love and sex should be sacred and must be enjoyed exclusively by TWO people who value each other. How pissed I am every time I read a scene with one of the characters sleeping with another individual dismissing the idea that the other would feel jealous or something. What I can't stand even more is the orgies which involve both of the characters. I love reading bed scenes but there's no forking way I would enjoy scenes like this. Way too much for my unadulterated mind.I really got so emotionally invested in this book that I cried, laughed, and smiled through my reading.

This book had a tight grip on me. Oftentimes I wanted to stop reading but I could not bear the thought of not being able to keep track of the story of these two characters. I enjoy romance novels for the fantasy and the sweet feeling I get. On the other hand, this book does not have the perfection that I often seek from a romance novel. But it deeply moved me despite those deep dark scenes. In fact, it could be these deep dark scenes that have captivated me. A romance novel with perfect characters would be forgettable and not memorable. This book, however, in its most disgusting and morbid way, will surely stay in my memory for a long time. A simple line like "I fucking missed you" would tenderly give a painful kick to my heart.

This blog post will serve as a reminder maybe 5 or 10 years from now that I went crazy over a book.

This is the link of the site, if you're interested to read it. It's a free read without downloading or paying.

Special Forces by Marquesate

Bloopers 2011

These are embarrassing true stories…so embarrassing that I am not willing to pronounce the names of those involved. LOL!

The Street Lights and the Pedestrian Across the Road

Lencho and Petra are waiting for the street lights to turn green when Lencho starts ranting.

Lencho: Ano ba yan! People don’t have self-discipline! What the heck! It’s still red and they’re already crossing. Hay naku..

Ambrosio is at the other end of the predestrian lane and starts crossing.

Ambrosio: hi, Lencho!

Lencho: Hi, Ambrosio!

Lencho suddenly gets transported back to reality when stupified Petra calls out for him.

Petra: Hey, it’s still red!

Then Lencho realizes he’s in the middle of the road!

Waaaaaaa! hahahahahahahhahaha

The Food with a Car

Pipita and Lencho start calling out for their classmates who have walked ahead of them when they see something… someone

Lencho: Uuuuyy hintay-

There is a moment of silence. They both get fixated at a figure opening the door of the van. 1… 2… 3… At the same time, they both swallow unconsciously.

Lencho: nakita mo yun, teh?

Pipita: oo.. pagkain teh!

Lencho: i know! at may car pa ha!

Cortes who?

Ingga: Uy kilala mo si Anne Cortes (supposedly Anne Curtis)

Portia: oo... yung anak ni Rez Cortes (the action star)

No… The Girl!

Lencho, Petra, and Pipita sharing funny stories. They talk simultaneously and laugh in between lines not giving room for an organized conversation

Pipita: Sino? jay babai?

Lencho (slightly disoriented from too much laughing): Haan! jay babai!

(ano daw? haha)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Si Lola Klasmeyt

Kamusta naman daw ikaw, dbrainhailingjob?

Antagal ko na hindi sumulat sa blog na ito. Kamuntikan ko na nga makalimutan password ko sa tagal kong hindi naglog-in dito sa Blogspot. At pansin ko lang, baket Filipino ang gamit ko? Ito actually ang kauna-unahang blog entry ko sa Filipino. At maganda din pala. Parang nakikipag-usap lang ako sa kapit-bahay- very conversational. At para macapture talaga ang konteksto ng ikukwento ko, mas maigi na rin siguro na Filipino ang gamit ko dahil may mga bagay talaga na kapag nailahad sa ibang linggwahe eh nawawala oh naiiba ang konteksto.

Ay, baket tumitilaok ang mga manok eh 10:30 pa lang ng gabi? weird! anyway... Napag-usapan namin sa isang subject namen sa masters kanina yung tungkol sa mga programs para sa mga dropouts na kung saan ineencourage etong mga droupouts na magbalik-eskwela sa tulong nga iba't ibang programa. In relation to that, may kwinento yung instructor namin tungkol sa isang matanda(65 na sya) na high school student. Wala namang kaso sa pagbabalik eskwela ni lola. In fact, nakakahanga nga kasi kahit na jutanders na sya eh determinado paren sya na makagraduate ng high school at magtuloy ng college. yun lang mapapaisip ka kung ano ang mga future plans nya. May balak din kaya syang magtrabaho pagkagraduate nya? Alam naman siguro nya yung reality na wala din lang mag-eemploy sa kanya kung sakali nag-apply sya ng trabaho. so siguro, yung fulfillment na lang sa sarili nya ang habol nya- na kahit matanda na sya eh makagraduate man lang sya bago sya, you know...

At dahil nakakatuwa talaga yung idea ng isang matanda na pumapasok sa school, hindi tuloy namin maiwasang iimagine yung scenario. So syempre nakauniform si lola, alangan naman na pumasok syang nakaduster. Curious lang talaga ako kung paano sya makipaginteract sa mga classmates nya na sa tutuusin eh mga apo na nya. Tanong nga ng friend ko na classmate ko din sa masters, may crush din kaya sya? Doon na nagsimula ang tawanan namin. Pinapagalitan din kaya sya ng mga teachers? Malamang katulong din naman sya ng mga teachers sa pagdidisiplina sa klase. Hindi ko lang mapigilang matawa pag iniimagine ko si lola na nakatayo sa harap ng blackboard at nililista pangalan ng Noisy at Standing. pag cleaner din kaya si lola, nag-eescape sya? Syempre di maiiwasan yun kasi madali ngang makalimot ang mga matatanda. Oh kaya, nakikipagkopyahan din kaya si lola sa classmates nya? Ang medyo problema talaga eh pag JS prom na. Syempre yung mga lalake excited na makapartner nila mga crush nila. Eh pano pag ang nabunot nila eh si lola?

Wala lang. Natuwa lang ako.